Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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