woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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