were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
