i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
