I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
