I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
