Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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