careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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