I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
