those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
