if i can run in heels then i can drive
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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