Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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