He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it's like heaven, but drunker
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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