So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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