Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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