You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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