i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
