The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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