I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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