I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
