my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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