are you so shy because you have an std?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
