I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
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Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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