i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
