He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize