dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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