so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
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do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
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I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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