New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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