I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
nutella sex= disaster
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
