yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
