I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
