don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.