I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dating After Heartbreak
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.