I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
