Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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