from now on my penis is your penis
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
