Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
