My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
