hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
