Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
