living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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