I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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