Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
