Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
