We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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