i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
