he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
