I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
