I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
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did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
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There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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