There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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