I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
