I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
