Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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