I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
