DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize