Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
