He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
