Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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