They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
sarcasm needs its own font
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
