How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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