I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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