I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
