just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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